A dream where I saw home

Unsplash photo by Cristian Cojocarita

It was my favorite part of the day
where the sun already set,
but not quite dark yet.
I look across our three-bedroom apartment
to see the other units
stacked on one another
with LED, luminescent
Christmas lights.

How beautiful it was.
Their own unique choice
of glowing colors and shapes.
I understand you a little more.

And ours
had a warm tint.
Stringy but full,
and definitely radiant.
I held them in my hands
and in front of me,
a half-decorated balcony.

Inside,
the hardwood floors felt like home.
The compact kitchen felt like mine.
And down the hall,
the door on the right,
my sanctuary.
The beginning of self-expression.
The beginning of artistry.
The bloom of someone I admire
for her resilience-
even when you flick the lights off,
and feel the chill on the walls.

You were there
crying and loathing
in your angsty teenage,
yet individual,
l o n l i n e s s .

You were there
on the bed
attempting time after time
to figure out
what
l o v e
looked like-
both with yourself
and with others.

You were there
in the middle of the crowded floor
with a set of cheap acrylics and watercolor
on multimedia paper
trying to make
s e n s e
of the moments
passing.

We will continuously try to
make sense of our environment,
putting the pieces together
and always questioning
if we have all of them
to finish the picture.

And the corner pieces were
where I spent my energy.
My body against the wall,
with the lights flicked off
my mind tainted
from the moonlit nightmares
that occurred in
that room.
Demons felt like
they were made
just for me.

But in this dream, I
for once,
revisioned it as
my warm home.

I see
the years attached,
and blossoms that grew
in this compact
three-bedroom apartment
with one mother’s income,
I see it
glowing with my energy.
Someone I love and admire-
Whom I call home-
where the hardwood floors felt like home.
The compact kitchen felt like mine.
And down the hall,
the door on the right,
my sanctuary.

I finish clipping the lights to my balcony.
I marvel at the completion
of a place that only exists in my memory.
I walk down the hall,
to the door on the right.
It glows.
I close the door,
and open my eyes.

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